My Reality

Four years ago I joined the I Ho Chuan team for my first year of mastery training. I faced challenges and failure but also had success and learned from every experience. During my time on the team I pushed myself to new boundaries both physically and mentally, furthering my understanding of what is is to be a martial artist and what it is to be a master. Unfortunately for me the start of my journey towards mastery was also the year that my genetic disposition started to manifest.

Adrenoleukodystrophy is a term I have become familiar with this past year, the diagnosis of this disease, specifically the adult version AMN, took so long because of its rarity. My body does not create a protein that breaks down long chain fatty acids and because of the build up, the insulation of my nervous system is being eaten away. What this means for me is a constant pain and a lack of most sensation in my legs, causing difficulties walking. At the moment my condition is stable, so far my MRI scans have shown the disease isn't affecting my brain but now I will require frequent scans for observation. There is no cure for this disease and the only treatment stops progression in the brain is bone marrow transplant that will require a reset of my immune system.

Even though there is no cure, I have been accepting and undertaking any recommendations that the various healthcare practitioners have presented. During my first physio appointment the head of spasticity suggested leg braces to improve my gait. By chance, there was an opening with orthotics and I was fitted that day. Now that I have paired these braces with appropriate shoes, I can almost walk like I used to. I've also started a regime of medication to help me get to some form a regular function, starting at low dosages to encourage a healthy use.

One of the common remarks about my condition is how well I am physically working through it. Each of the specialists I see is surprised with what I am able to do despite having an ailment that could result in me requiring a wheelchair for the rest of my life. Kung fu has been my framework for movement for so long that despite my nerves being damaged there is still muscle memory that allows me to ground and center myself, there is still that ability to tell my legs to move. Without having a system that I have been building and refining the base of for most of my life, I do not know if I would be able to handle having the rest of my abilities crumble.  I think it's that thought of probable restriction that drives me to maintain what I have for as long as I can.

I am thankful that I have cultivated ever growing and close friendships, have been apart of teams that have shown absolute support, and have a family that has always been there from the literal start as well as the members that have joined along the way. Without this framework I wouldn't have the joy filled and secure life that is overcoming a terrible and unforeseen uncertainty. I am currently waiting for a donor match to be found. Once a match is found I will begin the rigorous processes of chemotherapy and transplant, but I know that with my safety net I will be able to get through the rough times ahead.

Path of the Jianke

I'll start off with an update since I have fallen far far FAR behind on my journaling. I am now certified in in first aid thanks to a pair of amazing instructors and feel both impowered by the knowledge I gained over the two Sundays, but also more cautious about what situations I may face. I also finally have an appointment with a neurologist in mid June, which I have been waiting for almost two years on.

This weekend I missed the Pandamonium to attend a two day seminar on traditional Chinese swordsmanship. Although it saddens me to miss one of the most important days at Silent River, I learned many new skills and made new connections with people from many different martial arts.

The seminar was hosted at the Fighting Arts Collective in Toronto, an amazing facility that houses schools of Wing Chun, HEMA, aerial gymnastics, and many other disciplines. The days were filled with drills, discussion about the history and future Jian Fa (sword method), as well as many quips about the socioeconomic climate of North America.

Although we were supposed to learn both the jian and miaodao (two handed saber), the time was spent only on the former with a few miaodao techniques demonstrated without drilling. I also had the chance to participate in a knife throwing seminar after the first day, but declined so I had time to work on my reps.

Tomorrow I'm leaving for DC and am looking forward to all the sights and museums. I was hoping to make a trip to Baltimore to visit a smithy that creates amazing pieces of art but found out through Scott Rodell that they are in the middle of a shoot and aren't even allowing clients to pickup their orders. Although it's a bit of a disappointment, I know that my trip will still be full of adventure and excitement.

Exhaustion

Last week ended in complete exhaustion. Going from next to no class participation to going to the kwoon five days (in a good week) has been a hard but necessary change. Each week I have been trying to push my physical and mental limits bit by bit, but I tend to find myself at my limits by Friday. Two days of rest a week have been more common than I would like, I hope that soon these extended rests won't remain in my training schedule.

Bad Habits

What led my downfall in my last year in the I Ho Chuan was inconsistency. This bad habit filled my last two weeks. My numbers are far behind and I have put more pressure on myself because of my inactivity.

Although numbers were lacking, I feel I made strides in understanding my techniques and movement. Last sihing class really hammered the idea of controlled movement, and I found myself in a better place with my centering than I thought I was. This week will be better, in all aspects, because I know that consistency is the only way that I will succeed this year.

The Current State

This week past week has shown how far ahead the team is and the momentum from the beginning of the year is still pulling us. Although personally I feel that my fitness is on a plateau, seeing the continued progress in my forms and basics, as well as the progress of the team, is the drive that I had been missing in the year of the Horse.

Tuesday was spent at the hospital receiving a neurological assessment for another recommendation for a neurologist. My last recommendation seems to have never been processed, dragging out my waiting for answers when further.

Thursday brought excitement with the presentation of our forms. My jian form feels like it has a solid base, made up one handed and two handed components. My favourite personal sword is a hand and a half jian, which falls on the heavy side of the scale for this style of blade. I wanted to extend my form this year in encompass both variations of grip and technique and can't wait to start learning Wu Dang jian forms under Sifu M. Beckett and the seminar in May so I can keep adding.

Two Handedness and the Center Line

I feel that on Mondays I am more lucid, so I'll be moving my weekly journal posts.

My hand form for the year is Hung, the reasons for choosing this form are many. It helps train consistency of stances, something I have been lacking in my training. It also only has two stances, the horse and open-x, the two stances I need the most improvement in. The last reason, but one that can be found in every form, is two handedness.

On Thursday I forgot my sword at home, I only worked on Hung during I Ho Chuan and made a major breakthrough. The transition between the first and second part of the form requires fluidity with strength in one's stance. By focusing on my two handedness, I found the transition flow naturally from horse, to open-x, than back to horse.

On the weekend I found myself apathetic again. The wear off training leaves me wanting to do nothing on my weekends, but I'm try to work on this. I believe the largest contributor to this dilemma is the constant ache my muscles and joints are in, but that should only be from the hard work that my body has not experienced in months prior and will lessen as I improve.

I'm am looking forward to seeing each team members 1.0 of their form. We have a lot of great skill and knowledge on this team and am sure that Thursday will really help invigorate everyone.

The First Wall

This week I continued to see the progress on my path, with Saturday being full of form repetitions and rounds of excellent sparring. However Sunday I hit the wall. Although Sunday is my "rest day", I did almost literally nothing all day. I didn't do my chi gung and more importantly I didn't journal. I was zapped of all my will and just found escape on my computer. Although I probably did need a complete day of rest, I still don't think I structured it properly.

I am still in a lot of pain this morning and found myself asking to work a half day, and took the time to stretch out and do my chi gung, with another scheduled for the end of the day. This evening I'm picking up my mom from the airport after her month long journey in India. I bet she will have many stories that she will be sharing with me, but I'm glad that she will be home.

Starting the Incline

Tuesday was the first time I attended the Sihing class in almost a year. One thing that recently came back to my training is intensity, however during class I saw my technique was in need of major improvements. We were drilling kicks and working on bettering our numbers, but also how to work on pacing. As a collective we were averaging 30 kicks a minute consistently, almost 600 in a half hour with our pace slightly increasing at the end. My personal numbers were lower than I would like, but I see what needs to be worked on but as long as I keep working on my endurance and technique I will see my numbers increase.

On Saturday open training was packed with people and weapons. I spent a while working on my articulation and flow with staff work and when I switched to my sword I was able to find another block to add to my form. The last 15 minutes of mat time had a few pylon marked rings for sparring appear, and I was able to get my first 3 rounds of sparring for the year. I'm looking forward to many more rounds with Sifu Lindstrom so I can work on the holes in my guard.

The engagement at the meeting was great to see. I am really looking forward to all the demos and dances as this team seems like it will pull of one of, if not the best year of the I Ho Chuan yet. At the meeting I mentioned that I am going to a traditional Chinese swordsmanship seminar in Toronto during May. I will be learning techniques with the jian (one handed straight sword) and the miaodao (two handed saber) and hope to share all of the knowledge I bring back. I will be gone from May 12th to the 20th and because of this will be unable to attend Pandemonium, but I've already started planning on how I will still contribute to this very important event.

Working through the Five Animals

The personal requirement that has served me the most so far this years has been my daily Five Animal Chi Gung. There are 356 days in the year of the Monkey, and already the effects of this daily ritual are showing. For those that are unaware, Five Animal Chi Gung is an exercises that lengthens tendons, opens joints, conditions muscles and each pose works a specific organ. The Dragon improves the kidneys, the Tiger works your lungs, the Leopard betters the liver, the Snake helps the spleen and the Crane strengthens the heart. 

Before the banquet last weekend I was lucky enough to have my poses critiqued by Sifu M. Beckett, and was surprised that I had retained most of the basics and was shown the beginning of the more advanced techniques in the poses. Each day I'm finding my stances deepen and my flow into the poses becomes smoother. I look forward to having my poses looked at again, and hope that the changes I've made to my technique are improving my form.

Admittedly I missed my second day, but was I just to accept that I failed my requirement and quit? The I Ho Chuan has a no quitting policy, so I will just have to do two extra days going into the year  of the Rooster.

From the Sheep to the Monkey

Yesterday was magic. The New Year banquet always brings a sense of awe with it, even more so since I wasn't a member of last years I Ho Chuan team. From what I observed, the night ran smoothly with tear down and bringing the equipment back to the kwoon taking what seemed like no time at all. The Sheep Team really put together one of the best banquets I have attended to date.

Seeing the change of four of my fellow students to the four newest black belts of the school was an intense and emotional moment. Seeing what they had accomplished through the years, converging into this traditional accession that happens each year, was the first of many highlights for this year.

Back On the Path

Monday was the beginning of the year of the Monkey, and the official start of this years I Ho Chuan team. The year of the Sheep was a difficult time for many, but through perseverance we have made it to this new beginning. A new career path, a new treatment, a new outlook on my martial arts, as well as the inspiration the I Ho Chuan provides has given me the launchpad to succeed this year.

Watching from the sidelines while the Sheep team rehearsed the lion dance and demo was an awe inspiring moment. Seeing the progression, the skill sets each of the members have honed, made me believe that I could attain some measure of "that" this year.

My balance is still suffering but with the active release chiropractic treatment I am seeing noticeable improvement. I don't know if it is a result of the treatment or a change in perception, but I am finding myself able to push myself again. When I started my count of 50,000 push-ups and sit-ups on Monday I was only able to do sets of 10 at a time, but already I've progressed to sets of 20. Many of my numbers are going to be low in the beginning, but I think I have found the right pace to get back too and improve on what my fitness used to be.

Tomorrow I will be taking my mother to the airport to start her month long journey in India. I know she will have an amazing time and my sister will make sure that everything goes right. This month of solitude in my house (except for a cat) I plan on tweaking my schedule even more to optimize it around the I Ho Chuan. I also plan on completing unfinished renovations that were part of my requirements for the year of the Horse, the biggest priority being re-flooring the basement.

I am a Water Monkey that has entered the year of the Fire Monkey, and I will succeed this year.

Where Am I and Where Am I Going?

My first year in the I Ho Chuan is coming to a close in less than a month. The year of the Horse has filled my life with great experiences with so many people from and beyond the kwoon and I have pushed myself harder than any year prior. Although I have hit a wall, although my health is still unsure, I have still accomplished so much.

It's hard not to compare yourself to others. The leaps and bounds of progress my teammates are making is so inspiring but at the same time make me look at my apparent lack of progress. I feel like I do not deserve my teammates but I know that the I Ho Chuan is not about judging others lack of involvement.

I will be returning to the I Ho Chuan for the year of the Monkey. During my year away from the program I will be restructuring and strengthening my foundations. In March I'll be seeing an ENT specialist and am hopeful that I will get the answers I need. I feel that my lack of balance has been the largest hindrance in my training but I know my inactivity is just as much of a liability.

The year of the Sheep will be a new starting point along a trail of milestones, how I proceed will determine the path before me.

Another Rut

I apologize for my inactivity but this past week can be best described as interesting. I started the second week of my new job at a new business. I was hired as a sign sales man but have started to improve their online identity as well as help on service calls when needed. I've already found some clients as well as started networking with a business intent, my career direction seems to have taken a 180*.

My health has also been affected by my new routine. I find myself able to fall asleep easier, but I have also been finding myself more exhausted throughout the day. I'm seeing my doctor next Wednesday since there has been no update to my ENT recommendation and the last physician I saw dismissed my high iron levels outright. I hope next week will hold some answers.

Until I am out of this rut I will have to postpone the start of my vlog, but I will try to post a video on my channel each week.

Regrouping

I have to apologise for my inactivity, again. This past weekend was a hectic blur of music, dance and partying and this week was the start of a new and promising employment. On Monday, my rest day between Folk Fest and my new job, I was inspired by YouTuber Skallagrim as well as our own Sihing Chervenka to start producing videos.

Jian Test Cutting

This is just the start of the many ideas I have for content, the most important of these is the start of a vlog. Last night I started writing about my weekend but was starting to find myself on the fourth paragraph only two days into my extended weekend. If I have not started my vlog by Monday I hope my team mates will hold me accountable.

I have so many things that I want to update everyone on, but all my plans are still not fully solidified yet. When they are I will have much to share.

My Wakeup Call

This past weekend I got the wakeup call that I needed, the annual Silent River boot camp. When I first woke up at 5am on Saturday I felt terrible, my head was foggy and my body ached. I didn't think I had it in me to even leave my bed and had came to the conclusion to just give up. I don't know what motivated me but with only a few minutes to get ready I set out to the Keephills Community Hall to begin my day.

Each seminar had it's purpose, and as I went though the hours of work leading to the fitness test I found myself in a better mental state. However once the fitness test started it felt like my world was falling apart. I was so angry at myself for not performing at my best, regardless of what shape my health has been in. I just felt like I should give up on everything. But I couldn't give up, because letting myself doubt take control would only let my friends, my family, down.

After completing the 2km run that marked the end of the boot camp, I felt my self doubt vanish. In it's place I found an urge to improve myself and a desire take all the lessons I had learned that day and put them into my daily training. Although I am not where I need to be for my black belt grading, I feel that I have gained the tools necessary to succeed.

In my last blog I reached out for help and am thankful for the advice I was given. I want to reach out again because the only way my health will improve is if I make changes to my healthcare. The doctors I have seen at my family clinic have been trying to patch me with medications that have little to no effect. I am currently waiting for my recommendation to an ENT specialist but I have my doubts about taking this route. Any recommendations on this matter would be greatly appreciated.   

What is Happening?

On Wednesday I felt like myself again, waking and eating in the morning and having consistent energy levels throughout the day. However yesterday my condition slip again and it has continued into today. My joints and lower back ache, my mind feels fuzzy and incoherent and I feel as if my energy stores and depleted. Also when I walked my dog yesterday I had an intense pain in the upper abdomen that was making me wince. My mind keeps going back to my last doctors visit, where I was told my iron levels were high but that fact wasn't looked into. I keep staring at webpages about hemochromatosis and my symptoms seem to fit.

Today I came to the conclusion that my best course of action would be to acquire my test results and go to a night clinic in hopes of getting answers, not more questions. Because of these events I am unsure about my ability to participate in the annual bootcamp tomorrow. It's very hard for me to write this but I am at a point where I am actual scared of my condition.

I'm about to head to Edmonton to pick up my results and will be updating this post as I get new information.

UPDATE: After driving to central Edmonton to pick the results and driving back, I opened the envelope I was given to only find the results for the urine sample. I needed the results from the blood samples to execute my plan and now find myself with no other options until next week. Since my condition is so volatile I won't know if I'm well enough for bootcamp until the morning of. I will be at class tonight and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Training at Home

One of my personal requirements is to create what could consider a proper training space for me. I think the best discussion I made was putting this space in my bedroom. In the morning I can literally roll out of bed and start pumping out reps first thing in the morning. I can also put my YouTube subscriptions or other media on my laptop and watch while I get my numbers in. The only problem I've had is having a large enough space to practice my forms.

I used to train in my backyard but a few weeks ago a colony of wasps built a nest under our deck. The nest was situated at our back door, leaving my dog unable to relieve himself unless he was taken for a walk. After many nights of removing a few screws than running from the swarm, we were left with two stripped screws only allowing one side to be lifted. With my mom armed with a garden hose and myself with a blowtorch, we finally destroyed the nest. Tomorrow I will be checking for any new nest, but also will start playing catch up on my form reps.

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More Answers, Questions, and Waiting

I have to start by apologizing for missing my last two blog days. On Thursday I met with a new doctor to discuss the results from my latest blood test as well as get a second opinion on what could be wrong with me. The results came back normal except for high levels of iron. I did some "research" (google) and found out that the body only absorbs 10% of dietary iron but a hereditary disease called Haemochromatosis can increase absorption by a factor of three. Next chance I have to see my doctor I will bring it up. I was also given a recommendation to an ENT specialist, but before I get the appointment I need to first take a hearing test. It seems that the closer I get to figuring out what's wrong with me, I have to wait and wait before taking the next step.

Friday ended on a good note. Although I felt tired and hungry after two hours of class I was convinced to stay for sanshou since the class was practically empty. I know to have a successful year in the I Ho Chuan I must log 1000 rounds of sparring, but with how my health is affecting my balance and stamina I have been missing out instead of training smartly.

Over the weekend the ideas for my first "real" YouTube video have started to work out. If everything goes to plan I'll be uploading my first videos next week.

Last Minute

I didn't think of a topic to journal about, hopefully I will have something tomorrow.

http://flavors.me/lairdchris

Another Day

Tonight I have a goal, reach 15,000 pushups and situps. I have an hour and twenty minutes to get in the last one hundred repetitions. In between sets I made a calculation for how many repetition I need to do every day to reach 50,000 the Friday before the annual New Years banquet.

I was able to find an online app that counts the days until February 20th, 2015. This plugged into the formual with my current numbers requires me to perform 160 each day. I've also found that 50 pushups cause a .2% increase or decrease to the number. The last 50 pushups to 15000 will put be at 159.8 pushups a day.

After completing the last 50 pushups to 15,000 I wrote the formula on my board. x represents the current total of repetitions and y represents the number of days until February 20th. I think that's all I can do for today, but tomorrow is another day.

http://flavors.me/lairdchris