My Reality

Four years ago I joined the I Ho Chuan team for my first year of mastery training. I faced challenges and failure but also had success and learned from every experience. During my time on the team I pushed myself to new boundaries both physically and mentally, furthering my understanding of what is is to be a martial artist and what it is to be a master. Unfortunately for me the start of my journey towards mastery was also the year that my genetic disposition started to manifest.

Adrenoleukodystrophy is a term I have become familiar with this past year, the diagnosis of this disease, specifically the adult version AMN, took so long because of its rarity. My body does not create a protein that breaks down long chain fatty acids and because of the build up, the insulation of my nervous system is being eaten away. What this means for me is a constant pain and a lack of most sensation in my legs, causing difficulties walking. At the moment my condition is stable, so far my MRI scans have shown the disease isn't affecting my brain but now I will require frequent scans for observation. There is no cure for this disease and the only treatment stops progression in the brain is bone marrow transplant that will require a reset of my immune system.

Even though there is no cure, I have been accepting and undertaking any recommendations that the various healthcare practitioners have presented. During my first physio appointment the head of spasticity suggested leg braces to improve my gait. By chance, there was an opening with orthotics and I was fitted that day. Now that I have paired these braces with appropriate shoes, I can almost walk like I used to. I've also started a regime of medication to help me get to some form a regular function, starting at low dosages to encourage a healthy use.

One of the common remarks about my condition is how well I am physically working through it. Each of the specialists I see is surprised with what I am able to do despite having an ailment that could result in me requiring a wheelchair for the rest of my life. Kung fu has been my framework for movement for so long that despite my nerves being damaged there is still muscle memory that allows me to ground and center myself, there is still that ability to tell my legs to move. Without having a system that I have been building and refining the base of for most of my life, I do not know if I would be able to handle having the rest of my abilities crumble.  I think it's that thought of probable restriction that drives me to maintain what I have for as long as I can.

I am thankful that I have cultivated ever growing and close friendships, have been apart of teams that have shown absolute support, and have a family that has always been there from the literal start as well as the members that have joined along the way. Without this framework I wouldn't have the joy filled and secure life that is overcoming a terrible and unforeseen uncertainty. I am currently waiting for a donor match to be found. Once a match is found I will begin the rigorous processes of chemotherapy and transplant, but I know that with my safety net I will be able to get through the rough times ahead.

Path of the Jianke

I'll start off with an update since I have fallen far far FAR behind on my journaling. I am now certified in in first aid thanks to a pair of amazing instructors and feel both impowered by the knowledge I gained over the two Sundays, but also more cautious about what situations I may face. I also finally have an appointment with a neurologist in mid June, which I have been waiting for almost two years on.

This weekend I missed the Pandamonium to attend a two day seminar on traditional Chinese swordsmanship. Although it saddens me to miss one of the most important days at Silent River, I learned many new skills and made new connections with people from many different martial arts.

The seminar was hosted at the Fighting Arts Collective in Toronto, an amazing facility that houses schools of Wing Chun, HEMA, aerial gymnastics, and many other disciplines. The days were filled with drills, discussion about the history and future Jian Fa (sword method), as well as many quips about the socioeconomic climate of North America.

Although we were supposed to learn both the jian and miaodao (two handed saber), the time was spent only on the former with a few miaodao techniques demonstrated without drilling. I also had the chance to participate in a knife throwing seminar after the first day, but declined so I had time to work on my reps.

Tomorrow I'm leaving for DC and am looking forward to all the sights and museums. I was hoping to make a trip to Baltimore to visit a smithy that creates amazing pieces of art but found out through Scott Rodell that they are in the middle of a shoot and aren't even allowing clients to pickup their orders. Although it's a bit of a disappointment, I know that my trip will still be full of adventure and excitement.

Exhaustion

Last week ended in complete exhaustion. Going from next to no class participation to going to the kwoon five days (in a good week) has been a hard but necessary change. Each week I have been trying to push my physical and mental limits bit by bit, but I tend to find myself at my limits by Friday. Two days of rest a week have been more common than I would like, I hope that soon these extended rests won't remain in my training schedule.

Bad Habits

What led my downfall in my last year in the I Ho Chuan was inconsistency. This bad habit filled my last two weeks. My numbers are far behind and I have put more pressure on myself because of my inactivity.

Although numbers were lacking, I feel I made strides in understanding my techniques and movement. Last sihing class really hammered the idea of controlled movement, and I found myself in a better place with my centering than I thought I was. This week will be better, in all aspects, because I know that consistency is the only way that I will succeed this year.

The Current State

This week past week has shown how far ahead the team is and the momentum from the beginning of the year is still pulling us. Although personally I feel that my fitness is on a plateau, seeing the continued progress in my forms and basics, as well as the progress of the team, is the drive that I had been missing in the year of the Horse.

Tuesday was spent at the hospital receiving a neurological assessment for another recommendation for a neurologist. My last recommendation seems to have never been processed, dragging out my waiting for answers when further.

Thursday brought excitement with the presentation of our forms. My jian form feels like it has a solid base, made up one handed and two handed components. My favourite personal sword is a hand and a half jian, which falls on the heavy side of the scale for this style of blade. I wanted to extend my form this year in encompass both variations of grip and technique and can't wait to start learning Wu Dang jian forms under Sifu M. Beckett and the seminar in May so I can keep adding.

Two Handedness and the Center Line

I feel that on Mondays I am more lucid, so I'll be moving my weekly journal posts.

My hand form for the year is Hung, the reasons for choosing this form are many. It helps train consistency of stances, something I have been lacking in my training. It also only has two stances, the horse and open-x, the two stances I need the most improvement in. The last reason, but one that can be found in every form, is two handedness.

On Thursday I forgot my sword at home, I only worked on Hung during I Ho Chuan and made a major breakthrough. The transition between the first and second part of the form requires fluidity with strength in one's stance. By focusing on my two handedness, I found the transition flow naturally from horse, to open-x, than back to horse.

On the weekend I found myself apathetic again. The wear off training leaves me wanting to do nothing on my weekends, but I'm try to work on this. I believe the largest contributor to this dilemma is the constant ache my muscles and joints are in, but that should only be from the hard work that my body has not experienced in months prior and will lessen as I improve.

I'm am looking forward to seeing each team members 1.0 of their form. We have a lot of great skill and knowledge on this team and am sure that Thursday will really help invigorate everyone.

The First Wall

This week I continued to see the progress on my path, with Saturday being full of form repetitions and rounds of excellent sparring. However Sunday I hit the wall. Although Sunday is my "rest day", I did almost literally nothing all day. I didn't do my chi gung and more importantly I didn't journal. I was zapped of all my will and just found escape on my computer. Although I probably did need a complete day of rest, I still don't think I structured it properly.

I am still in a lot of pain this morning and found myself asking to work a half day, and took the time to stretch out and do my chi gung, with another scheduled for the end of the day. This evening I'm picking up my mom from the airport after her month long journey in India. I bet she will have many stories that she will be sharing with me, but I'm glad that she will be home.