Outrunning Apathy

Recently my condition has gotten worse, I have been finding myself not able to leave bed until the afternoon and it feels like all of my tendons and fibers of my being have been shrinking. It has been hard to even walk most days but today I decided I had to make changes.

My alarm went off at 8 A.M., but from a lack of sleep I decided to just roll over and fall into the rhythm that had started. I fell into a dream where I was running up a seemingly endless building, it appeared to be an old apartment complex. At each level I would have to open a door to continue up, and I would shut the door behind me because I knew I was being chased by something. There were times where this being almost caught me, but I found myself become invisible, allowing me to gain some distance from this mystery monster. I found myself in agony, but I kept up my pace and eventually reached the door that led to the roof. Standing in front of me was a 4-foot warrior, with green hair, patched armour and blade. I returned to consciousness and listened to the radio from upstairs for a while before getting out of bed at 10 A.M.

After my breakfast and watching my stream of YouTube videos I decided I had to do something with my day. For too long I had been stagnant, only walking my dog, doing little work on my forge and sitting at my computer. I decided to go for a run.

I took a route that I used to run when I was training for Bloomsday back in 2005, 2 kilometers one way and then back. The first kilometer made me feel terribly out of shape, I found myself tripping over my feet and out of breath fast. I had to take two breaks on that first part, something I didn't think I would ever need. The next kilometer I found my step, I felt like a load had been taken off of me and I was finally on the proper road to recovery. I didn't stop on the 2 kilometers back, and when I saw the end I ran with all I had left. I ended with a short walk back to my house, some stretching and finished with Awakening the Dragon.

Tomorrow I'm going to go for a run again, before I go wait for an MRI that I hope will shed some light on what is wrong with me. 

Taking a Break (Physically)

Last week I didn't write a blog and I have beating myself up about it. My only reason for it is that my condition has been getting worse and apathy has started to engulf me. Each morning I find myself weaker than the day before, my hands and feet pale and cold and I have only a small and finite amount of energy to put into my day. I have an MRI booked for the 25th and a doctors appointment on the 28th, and I just hope that what ever is wrong with me is found. Because of this lack of energy and strength I find myself in a rut again, just after I found my balance. But because I am unable to continue in one respect, I have been pushing forward in other ways.

I have started to contact Scott Rodell about having a swordsmanship seminar taught and will be giving updates on that as I find out more. I also have been working on another of my personal requirements, building a forge and workshop to express myself in a way I have always wanted to. Ever since I was a child I loved working with metal and have always sought jobs that involved the ductile and somewhat forgiving medium. I already have plans on how I am going to meet this requirement but  at the moment lack the tools and funds to fulfill it to my own specifications.

Even though I am taking a break from the physical aspects of my training I will still be coming to class, I will be planning on how to play catch up once I am better, and I will still blog and keep everyone up to date on what is wrong or right with me. I don't want to let the team down.

Perpetual Sickness

It's seems that my health's trend of "One step forwards, One step back" is still persisting. Yesterday my chiropractor told me that it was the first time my legs had stayed even at rest, I knew right away that this was a great sign and for the rest of the day I felt like everything was starting to turn around. This morning I awoke with a sore throat and little to no appetite through out the day. My head feels like it's been put back inside of a vice and my body burns while freezing. My doctors still have no idea what is wrong with me, and I am currently waiting for a MRI requisition to come in the mail. Although times seem hopeless, I am sticking with my pushups and situps. There have been a few days where I could only push myself to do 100/120 of each, but today I am pushing myself to get to 8000 pushups. I am grateful for all of the support I have, and hope that my recovery comes soon.

-Totals-
Pushups - 7900
Situps - 7360
Kempo - 15
Jian Form - 85
Rounds of Sparring - 8
Acts of Kindness - 30

A Quick Update

It seems that for every step I take forward, something else seems to try and push me back. My sense of balance has returned (99%) but recently I have been finding myself exhausted during the day and having insomnia at night. I have been seeing a chiropractor for two weeks and have been seeing results. The only down side I seem to be having is this exhaustion, which I suspect is being caused by the reset to my nervous system. The insomnia started a few weeks into my lose of balance and I haven't not found a remedy that has worked yet. On Monday I went in for my first full day of work since the start of my ailments but the next day I woke with no energy. My bed seemed to be my only place of refuge and it took me hours to leave it. The following day I went into work but to only show the report given by my chiropractor and was told to stay home again until I was better. Because of this I will have to apply for EI if I want to continue with my "normal" life. This coming Monday I am seeing my GP again and am going over everything that has affected me over these past months.

I know I haven't been vocal about my personal requirements, but I have been setting up the necessary framework first. At the April meeting I will be showing this progress on what I believe will be a requirement that could benefit the whole team and even the school itself.

-Totals-
Pushups: 7250
Situps: 6580
Jian Form: 65
Kempo: 15
Acts of Kindness: 20
Rounds of Sparring: 8

Back on Path, Towards the Path

Today has been a productive day. I shoved off the deck in my back yard, giving me plenty of space to practice my forms. I have a lot of catching up to do since my numbers are far to low, but it is a challenge that was made out of necessity. My balance has more or less returned, I have been back to work but only part-time. This week I will be making appointments at the chiropractor and acupuncturist that were recommended by Sifu Wiebe and Ms. Csillag respectively.

-Totals-

Pushups - 5600
Situps - 5600
Kempo - 10
Jian Form - 60
Acts of Kindness - 10

On the Road to Recovery

I'm happy to say that I have been able to go back to work and my condition has started to improve. I am still having problems with my balance but I have been able to work through them and have even been able to go back to the foundry I work at. For two weeks I'll be working four hour days but should be well enough for full work soon. Because of my lack of work hours I have found myself in a tough financial state, currently I am unable to afford to see a chiropractor nor acupuncturist but hope to have the funds to do so soon. I would like to thank all those that have been giving me suggestions on what I can do to improve my situation and it has really shown me the value of the team.

Pushups - 5150
Situps - 5150
Jian Form - 40
Kempo - 10
Acts of Kindness - 3

Have You Seen My Center? I Seem to Have Misplaced It

This morning I awoke from a restless sleep. I remember still being awake at 1:30 even though I laid down at 9:00 and had an alarm set for 5:00. Within the short amount of time that I was actually unconscious I had a very vivid dream. I was running towards a finish line, my legs in agony while everyone passed me with smiles on their faces. I felt like I couldn't take another step, so I turned around and started running backwards, the only thing propelling me was my falling center. When my alarm brought me back to consciousness I felt pain running through my entire body, it felt like I had just ran the race that my mind had created. It took me four hours before I could muster the energy to leave my bed.

For the past three weeks I have found myself in the deepest rut I have ever experienced. My body is in the best shape it has ever been in but it feels like my head has been missing. My doctor has pinpointed the cause of all this, a group of muscles in my neck, but the medication and stretches I have been told to do have little affect on my situation. When I walk my steps seem to fall instead of being placed, my path sways in front of me when I try to keep it straight. Each night I hope that I'll be better in the morning, that I can return to my normal self and go back to work, but each morning I find myself in the same spot. The constant sense of failure has started to push me into a depression, something that I thought could never happen to me.

Totals:

Pushups - 4050
Situps - 4050
Jian Form - 30
Kempo - 10
Acts of Kindness - 1